Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Ding ding - Round 2

324 is a massive improvement, but still life-threatening if the Choriocarcinoma continues to lurk in my blood and the tumors continue to grow in my lungs. Dr Karmen has a cunning plan to get me down towards zero by the end of the 9-week period. Apparently, the count won't actually hit zero because we all have a small amount of this hormone in our bodies.

Bottles of P, E, B, Benadryl and Saline were bunched-up on the rack so tightly that they couldn't hang vertically; there were more bottles outside on stand-by. Today would be a 5-hour marathon. I was administered a large syringe of anti-vomit serum into my chest pipe, plus another unknown substance. The anti-vomit serum gave me instantaneous hiccups, and all the nurses started giggling. It seems that it always has this effect on men - never women - and the joke never wears off.

Various anti-fever and anti-whatever tablets were washed down with good old fashioned water. The new element of this PEB cocktail, B, came in a metallic purple bag which reminded me of the wrapper of that curved caramel/nut sweet you get in a tin of Quality Street.

There was general concern that this was going to be a rough session. Having learned from yesterday, they doubled-up on piss bottles. I was given a large chrome hotel lobby bell to ding-ding in the event of an emergency. The nurse felt it necessary to give me a demonstration but, because I had placed it on the far side of the bed from her, she had to stand on her tip-toes and lean all the way over me to ding-ding. I got distracted, and the essential safety feature of the dry-run was lost. I would have to improvise if something went wrong.

The staff were astounded that I remained alert through the whole session, watched TV, and only ding'd my bell once - by accident, whilst re-mounting the bed after one of my countless pisses. Moniek arrived with a gift of fresh orange & pineapple juice. As she led me away, I glanced back and secretly hoped that tomorrow they'll let me graduate to the comfy chairs.


  1. A healthy sign that your opportunistic 'have a quick perv' tendancies remain intact mate! V.funny.

  2. 324 is definitely a good start but I think you need another motivation to get it down further. Some might think the prospect of life-threatening cancer would be enough, but I'm proposing that if you can get it down to 199 by the end of this round I will ensure there is a free flowing (or drip if you prefer) feed of Guinness for you at the wedding.

  3. (and by round... I mean day 5!)

  4. Hey Ricky
    Just wanted to drop you a line as you are in my thoughts every day. I'm so pleased to see you are blogging and keeping us up to speed with your progress and I just wanted to remind you that Guinness doesn't travel very well, so we're going to keep a keg on tap here in Ireland for when you're feeling up to a visit. I hope you know what an inspiration you are as it's quite apparent to me that you have balls of steel. Andy xo

  5. Hey you!
    anti-vomit serum now there's something you should have discovered long ago...but then I guess it probably doesn't work well with alcohol...however if it does then by the sounds of it you are going to need to smuggle some out with you to take to Elaine's wedding!! Rachael xxx

  6. Can't for the life of me understand why the key element of the day is not being discussed, the curved caramel/nut sweet you get in a tin of Quality Street. This raises a series of significant questions as to the 'best Quality St' choice. I'm clearly torn between the 'Green Triangle' & the filling removing 'large flat orange'. Don't even think of bringing substandard selection packs into the debate, such as Celebrations.

    PS Are the chemistry sessions similar to A level studies with Mr Atkinson - you never knew when he would appear & such an ability to corner at speed in those Hush Puppies.

  7. I've woken up this morning thinking about you again, but not worrying about 'the count' but wondering whether you've achieved your goal of the comfy chair. Is that wrong?

    Ian - your QS comment barely deserves a response - green triangle! NO! As for the gold coin - everyone knows only old codgers eat them. Ah, I might have stumbled on something.

  8. Surely there is a fundamental flaw with the old codger argument in that only the finest pair of falsies could deal with it so one would expect the more mature in society to switch allegiance to say the purple wrapped one (which thinking about could make it way up the list & into the top 3).

    Elaine, being young & well versed at IT, any idea how to get photos onto the site as I have a wealth of superb 80s photos ready to go! The contrast between the old perm days will be a sight to behold right now.

  9. When you say "ding'd my bell...." With all those nurses around I'm too afraid to ask!!

    Caramel barrel.

    Great to see your numbers coming down mate. Keep it up....I mean know what I mean!!

  10. Ian - fundamental flaw in your question to me... you are clearly assuming that I've got through the last 12yrs in IT-type roles with some sort of skill/knowledge. A schoolboy error I'm afraid. Can't see how anyone apart from Rick the Blogmeister can post pics, so I recon your best bet is to email them to him and hope he opens it when he's in one of his "brain fuggled" phases and thinks it's a good idea to post pics of himself looking like a twat. Good luck with that.

  11. Elaine - good point about IT, sorry for the assumption. Like the bit about posting pictures of him looking like a twat. Only problem is, that's all I've got!

  12. Ooh Mr Atkinson's hush puppies...forgot about those blighters....the only time I ever got in trouble... Seem to remember you just sat back and laughed Ian as opposed to giving us a heads up!!

    It's gotta be the purple one all the way...or the coffee cream but I think they removed that one long ago!

  13. Rick
    Wishing you all the best to you and all the family. Love you lots Christine and mickey xxx