Comment writing and sedition for dummies

McMurphy: "Why don't ya shut your
goddamn mouth and play some music."

I'm overwhelmed by the emails I've received from well-wishers. I eventually read every one of them but, I'm really sorry, I'm just too knackered to respond to them all. Some days, like today, I'm buzzing around but more often I'm like Jack Nicholson in the final scenes of 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest'.

This blog enables me to let everyone know what's going on, in my own time, with limited effort. The open, interactive nature of it is a wonderful way for me to have a laugh (and sometimes a cry) at all your comments.

Some people have tried to write comments, but have given up after hours of fruitless frustration and despair. I'll name no names, but there seems to be a typical profile: they're over 30, have an opposable thumb, have been to school, managed to hold down a job, carry a driving license ... but need the help of a 5 year old if they want to play a DVD. For the further advancement of humankind, here's a simple guide to posting a comment:

First, get a pen and a piece of paper. Don't run because you might poke someone's eye out. Write down the important points in steps 1 to 7 below just incase you get lost and confused later. We're going to practice on this 'blog'. You can try it out as many times as you like until you feel confident enough to write a real comment.

Down below, in the middle, there's some blue writing showing how many comments have already been posted. For example, it might say 3 comments. Quite soon, you're going to click on it using the left button of the 'mouse'. If you're already confused, shout for child assistance. Ready? OK, let's begin:

1. Click on the X comments below. A new page will appear called Post a comment. Take a deep breath and relax. 
2. Click on the big, empty box. Use the different keys (square things with letters on them) to type a message. Let your creative juices flow. For example, you may wish to dream up a scene where Hilary Clinton gets her comeuppance in a bizarre, frenzied, anatomically improbable 'accident' with some sharp objects from your garden shed. Or perhaps you could just write 'hello' or 'test message' or something.
3. When you are happy with your message, look at the small box below your message. It says Comment as with 'Select profile ...' and a little arrow pointing downwards at the side. Use your mouse to click on that arrow. As if by magic, a list of scary stuff will appear. Don't cry, it'll be OK. One of the things on the list is Name/URL. Use your mouse to make it go away.
4. Another new thing will appear called Edit profile with two new empty boxes below. Write your name or nickname in the one that says Name. (If back in Step 2, you did write something violent and rude about an influential figure in the US industrial/miltary complex - put someone else's name instead). You can leave the other URL box blank. That's for under 5's only. Click on the Continue button.
5. The name you have written will automatically appear in the 'Comment as' box with some brackets () after it. Don't panic, brackets are more scared of you than you are of them. There are two other buttons. Click on the one that says Post comment.
6. Word verification will appear. It's a made up word in some wibbly-wobbly writing. It's not the beer - it's a clever gadget that spies use. Copy the wibbly-wobbly words ... carefully, so you don't make a mistake ... into the box below in normal writing. Ignore the guy in the wheelchair; he doesn't do much.
7. Click on the Post comment button and 'hey-presto' your message has been posted for all the world to see.

Dwight D Eisenhower:
"I told you, but would you listen?"

If you can hear a helicopter, it's some Navy Seals coming to blow your brains out for seditious criticism of US foreign policy. And they won't listen to objections about sovereign territory, freedom of speech laws, or finger-pointing stories of 'it wasn't me, it was him'. By the way, if one of the choppers crashes into your garden fence, the Chinese are paying top-dollar for souvenirs on E-bay.

The guy on the right gave a prophetic warning of this in his farewell speech of 1961: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y06NSBBRtY ... this should be part of every school curriculum, along with George Orwell's 1984.

This great cover of a Bob Dylan classic, especially the last verse, is for all the 'hawks': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG443N7lo4Q.

I were Pearl Jam, I wouldn't be going anywhere in a light aircraft.