Sunday, 20 November 2011

Comment writing and sedition for dummies

McMurphy: "Why don't ya shut your
goddamn mouth and play some music."
I'm overwhelmed by the emails I've received from well-wishers. I eventually read every one of them but, I'm really sorry, I'm just too knackered to respond to them all. Some days, like today, I'm buzzing around but more often I'm like Jack Nicholson in the final scenes of 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest'.

This blog enables me to let everyone know what's going on, in my own time, with limited effort. The open, interactive nature of it is a wonderful way for me to have a laugh (and sometimes a cry) at all your comments.

Some people have tried to write comments, but have given up after hours of fruitless frustration and despair. I'll name no names, but there seems to be a typical profile: they're over 30, have an opposable thumb, have been to school, managed to hold down a job, carry a driving license ... but need the help of a 5 year old if they want to play a DVD. For the further advancement of humankind, here's a simple guide to posting a comment:

First, get a pen and a piece of paper. Don't run because you might poke someone's eye out. Write down the important points in steps 1 to 7 below just incase you get lost and confused later. We're going to practice on this 'blog'. You can try it out as many times as you like until you feel confident enough to write a real comment.

Down below, in the middle, there's some blue writing showing how many comments have already been posted. For example, it might say 3 comments. Quite soon, you're going to click on it using the left button of the 'mouse'. If you're already confused, shout for child assistance. Ready? OK, let's begin:
  1. Click on the X comments below. A new page will appear called Post a comment. Take a deep breath and relax. 
  2. Click on the big, empty box. Use the different keys (square things with letters on them) to type a message. Let your creative juices flow. For example, you may wish to dream up a scene where Hilary Clinton gets her comeuppance in a bizarre, frenzied, anatomically improbable 'accident' with some sharp objects from your garden shed. Or perhaps you could just write 'hello' or 'test message' or something.
  3. When you are happy with your message, look at the small box below your message. It says Comment as with 'Select profile ...' and a little arrow pointing downwards at the side. Use your mouse to click on that arrow. As if by magic, a list of scary stuff will appear. Don't cry, it'll be OK. One of the things on the list is Name/URL. Use your mouse to make it go away.
  4. Another new thing will appear called Edit profile with two new empty boxes below. Write your name or nickname in the one that says Name. (If back in Step 2, you did write something violent and rude about an influential figure in the US industrial/miltary complex - put someone else's name instead). You can leave the other URL box blank. That's for under 5's only. Click on the Continue button.
  5. The name you have written will automatically appear in the 'Comment as' box with some brackets () after it. Don't panic, brackets are more scared of you than you are of them. There are two other buttons. Click on the one that says Post comment.
  6. Word verification will appear. It's a made up word in some wibbly-wobbly writing. It's not the beer - it's a clever gadget that spies use. Copy the wibbly-wobbly words ... carefully, so you don't make a mistake ... into the box below in normal writing. Ignore the guy in the wheelchair; he doesn't do much.
  7. Click on the Post comment button and 'hey-presto' your message has been posted for all the world to see.
Dwight D Eisenhower:
"I told you, but would you listen?"
If you can hear a helicopter, it's some Navy Seals coming to blow your brains out for seditious criticism of US foreign policy. And they won't listen to objections about sovereign territory, freedom of speech laws, or finger-pointing stories of 'it wasn't me, it was him'. By the way, if one of the choppers crashes into your garden fence, the Chinese are paying top-dollar for souvenirs on E-bay.

The guy on the right gave a prophetic warning of this in his farewell speech of 1961: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y06NSBBRtY ... this should be part of every school curriculum, along with George Orwell's 1984.

This great cover of a Bob Dylan classic, especially the last verse, is for all the 'hawks': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG443N7lo4Q.

I were Pearl Jam, I wouldn't be going anywhere in a light aircraft.

17 comments:

  1. My first comment!

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  2. Have you learned to tie your shoe laces yet?

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  3. As you know I have a beer or two with good friends on Sunday lunch-time. They love the blog. Just get well! Then you can start preaching again!!

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  4. Q: What is Bill Clinton's definition of safe sex?
    A: When Hillary is out of town.

    Uh-oh, think I can hear the helicopters.....I'm out of here!

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  5. Good that you feel like Jack Nicholson in cuckoo's nest. A few years later he starts living together with Michelle Pfeiffer as a Wolf. That must be something to look forward too ;-)

    Hold on in this difficult time. Our thoughts are with you and Moniek.

    http://open.spotify.com/track/3GZyz9MvyHVRUMP9nSEfzR

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  6. Dear Rick:

    I am surprised by the news but I would give you much encouragement from here to continue. My family has a long history of this disease and my mom has passed a chest's one and my brother Frank one in a testicle. It is very convenient to have the moral high, everything will be fine.

    We planned to visit you this year but the economic crisis that affected our work didn't allowed us to do it now, so get ready because we want to go to see you in Pokhara soon.

    Just one of my goals when I did the motorbike ride from Barcelona to Mongolia on my Triumph Scrambler was to thank the world for the recovery of my brother. Months before a trip to Cuba to investigate the healing properties of scorpion venom there being developed for cancer treatment, also asked the gods and I drew a yellow ribbon around the globe.

    I work for American Nike for over 10 years and Lance's example is very good although in my family personally choose the model of FC Barcelona. Better to win by a landslide and also playing nice. If you win 1-0, go for the second, and when you bring 2 go to the third, and if you've already got 3 why not get a 4 and 5 and 6... Fight, fight, fight. This is cured.

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  7. Hey Ricky

    My thoughts are with you at this difficult time .. being a fighter as you are I do hope you beat the C! My Brother, Mother and Father also send their regards.

    I always remember the times when we used to terrorise the streets of Beeston & Sandy on our BMX's! There wasn't a Trick or Jump that would you let beat you! I trust you are carrying this same ethic! In your fight!

    Keep fighting mate!

    Leigh

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  8. Hey Rick
    Well I have cried, laughed, cried, laughed, laughed and laughed a few more times reading your blogs. Then I felt guilty for laughing when you are going through all this.

    Still, as kids it was always Elaine that was doing something silly like cutting her head open, so I guess this is you having your 2 pennies worth of fame. I agree with you whole-heartedly that a positive outlook on life and really good natural juices from freshly juiced veg and fruits do make a difference. Ian (my hubby) had colon cancer and chemo, and this year had his 5 year all clear. You will get there too. If Lance can, Rick can. Plus Lance didn't have Moniek there with glasses of green juices.

    Any Dr that wears tortoishell glasses has got to be worth listening too. Believe me, she isn't wearing them as a fashion statement, she's wearing them because she can't read all the bloody numbers in your results without them. I figure if she's reading the results and hasn't run off to join the circus yet, then you must be doing ok.

    Hang on in there, we are thinking of you and sending you healing wishes.

    Melinda, Ian & Chloe xxx

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  9. Sharing with comments is necessary only if you have something to say and your way of thinking is up-to-date.

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  10. Rick, my old mucka and fellow winder-upper of O level English teachers... Its 2.06am here in Prague and I have just read your blog from start to present.. I may never have known yr situation if it wasn't for a brief bout of paranoia about deleting "real" emails in among the 122 which Yahoo had ID'd as spam. And there you were, along with various generous offers to improve my "skill with ladies" via a certain blue pill...

    Mate, what to say? I'm overwhelmed at the sheer courage you've shown to endure all that it has taken so far to get you to this point. Keep fighting - and keep writing - knowing that people the world over (even those like me who haven't seen you for years) are thinking positive thoughts on your behalf and wishing you well, in every sense.

    And finally (in case it hasn't cropped up yet):
    "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

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  11. Well this is interesting to know, i think its a natural process and we must acknowledge it!

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